Thursday, 6 July 2017

Home

I walk through my home and feel the emptiness of its walls. The floor is bare. There is no TV, no desk, no coffee table to stain. There is no history here yet. How soon does a memory become a memory? Does yesterday count? I feel as though I have been born into a new life. I can hardly walk, hardly talk. My fingers feel like foreigners as they trail along the wall beside me. This home was not mine but now it is and I know nothing about it. This life was not mine but now it is and I know nothing about it. I may sound like I'm afraid but truly I'm not. It's more I feel the intrigue and the excitement of this "choose your own adventure" story I'm writing. I have no idea what lies ahead. I have no clue how to do any of 'this'. All I know is I keep moving forward. I take one step at a time and I walk through that door into a light I do not recognise and I let it shine.

Thursday, 3 March 2016

Coconut lattes and late night ponderings


11.28pm

Dunedin, New Zealand

3rd March 2016

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I'm sitting here drinking my coconut latte in a cosy, yet slightly unfurnished, apartment thinking about all the things I want to do with my life.

...and I mean all the things.

It's been a while since I've had the opportunity to really have some me-time and think about anything really. Back in Sydney it's been non-stop. Back to back weddings, client meetings, errand running, etc. etc. It never ended and I'm sure once I touch down on Sunday night it will all go back to the way it was.

Right now though, in this current moment, I am feeling so calm and happy. Time moves slowly here and that's possibly due to the fact I have no commitments or ties holding me down but regardless, I am very aware of New Zealand's slow pace and I am loving every single moment of it. I'm loving the community here, the sense of family, the space I have to breathe. It's warming my soul.

It makes me believe that a simple life is possible, that it doesn't have to be all that hard, not really anyway. But maybe I have holiday brain and am being super delusional.

I'm not sure.

I'm also in one of those moods that makes me want to book tickets to all my dream holiday destinations.

....if only.

Thursday, 31 December 2015

Years end.

Here we are.

The day before time celebrates its birthday. The end of a year and the beginning of another.

I can't even begin to explain how fast this year has flown. I know we all say this every year but I really, truly mean it this time. 2015 came and went in a heart beat and although I accomplished so many things and went through so many trials, it still feels like it is February and I'm shooting my first wedding of the year.

To be honest with you, I don't know how this year happened. I don't know how I got by. Nothing is black and white anymore and while a big part of me is thrilled about that, a bigger part of me is anxious beyond compare. My path isn't clear. My weeks are random. My income is sporadic. My time is jumbled. My mind is all over the place.

I've spent the last week housesitting our good friends home. I used this time to take a break from my work and from civilisation. I've been sleeping in till midday (something I haven't done all year) and walking around the house aimlessly cleaning, singing and dancing. It has been wonderful. My brain has turned to mush and I can't think straight but it is exactly what I need right now. This year has been chaotic and busy and my body has become sore. This little 'staycation' has been the perfect treatment to the busy year that was.

and now, somehow, we are at years end and it's that time where we all sit and reflect and work out what we want to change in ourselves. I obviously have the basics: stop eating so much sugar, start doing yoga, organise my time better, go to church more, etc etc....but on top of all this I feel my biggest resolution is the one thing that will help me accomplish all other resolutions.

My 2016 resolution is to be BRAVE - To have courage to take risks and leaps of faith. To not be afraid of being myself or making mistakes. To pick myself up when I fail and get right back on the horse and push forward. To not second guess myself. To fight and not flee.

Its simple and vague and but I honestly believe courage will help my creativity and will help me be a happier person in the new year. For too long I've been scared of the world, of their thoughts and opinions and judgments. It's about time I stand up for myself and push myself to be happier and greater and more me! *cue inspirational music*

So on that note, heres to a Happy New Year to all of you! May 2016 grant you the courage to push through your fears to achieve your goals.

xx

What are your resolutions for the new year? Maybe I can adopt some as my own?

p.s. I also want to say a quick thank you for any of you who keep coming back to read this blog of mine. I really do love you all and it's wonderful knowing I have friends who understand and support me all over the world. You are seriously too good and I thank you for putting up with my constant ramblings :)