Several months I spent locked away in my rabbit hole. I had support, I had love but internally I felt nothing. Slowly though, my strength was rebuilt. I started to see my prison had cracks within its walls, cracks that weakened its foundation, cracks that I could break through...and I did.
I fought through and my hands resurfaced out of the mud and arose into the sun once more. I was still dirty, still tired but I was free.
I set foot into the latter half of the year with a new appreciation and understanding of life. An appreciation of self-contentment. I needed something to keep me going, something that was solely my own, something that didn't depend on other people or their emotions.
Samantha Heather then began. My blog, my photography, my passion. It arose from nothing and now I find complete joy in writing these letters to you. It helps me understand myself and helps me from falling down the rabbit hole that continually tries to creep back into my life.
Over the past week, I have been away volunteering at my church's youth camp. We spent our days in the sun and our nights by the fire. We held hands while we prayed and we sang songs while we praised. I took my camera with me but I didn't click one photo. I chose to switch off for a while. To take a break from my art and relax in the moment I had before me. I instagrammed while I was away and that is what I share with you today. It was a glorious time, one of peace and one of rest. And while I found myself sinking back into the rabbit hole throughout my time away I was reminded of the beauty of the world around me and it humbled me lower than ever before. My heart smiled when I realised that my darkness doesn't need to be so dark. I can choose to walk in the light and I can choose to wear a smile on my face when I get dressed in the morning.
2013 clicked over to 2014 in a heartbeat and the year of pain and darkness was over. I now have a new slate, one which I can draw upon in warm colours and melodic songs. This year I choose happiness, I choose to accept the challenges presented to me, I choose to love like never before, and serve others more than anyone has ever served me.
I don't know what this year will give me in return. I don't know if it will be kind or cruel, exciting or banal, but what I do know is that I have a choice in how I live the next 365 days, and I choose a year of exploration, love, and happiness, despite all battles.
Happy New Year to you all. Thank you for your support and your love. Lets rock out this year and show the world that we can't be defeated!
Instagram - @sambam