Monday, 13 January 2014

Twisted Turns

You know those moments when life is kind of sailing along and things seem good, great perhaps, and you're comfortable. Life isn't perfect, but it's okay and you're happy with that.

That was me, early last week. I had problems, sure, but generally I was okay.

But then, unforeseen by me, the ride I was on went from its steady incline and took a twisted turn down into an unexpected, steep descent. I fell steeply into an unknown illness that caused my body to rock and my mind to shut down into a state of fear. I was sore, I was emotional, and I was at a loss for words as to why this was suddenly happening to me.

No one can prepare you for the events that unfold when your ride takes a sudden turn. You're unprepared, you're alone and you're vulnerable.

The pain came sporadically and, like a ghost, it would disappear again without a trace. I thought I was going crazy. The doctors seemed to think so too. They first diagnosed me with X, then with Y and then with....

It seemed they were at a loss for words too.

Lying there in my hospital bed, my mind was alive but my body felt lifeless. I closed my eyes and let my ears wander, observing everything in the room around me. The constant beeping of the machines, the slow ticking of the clocks and the soft breathing of the sleeping Stephen who sat beside me. In that moment, I realised something. Life is totally out my control. Regardless of whether I was sick or not, those machines would continue to beep, the clock would continue to tick and Stephen's breaths would continue to flow out of him so smoothly like they always do. 

But while life is out of my control. I know someone who does have control, someone who can heal me and love me and take care of me even when I cant. And so I prayed that night. It was all I could do. Sometimes, it is all anyone can do in life. I cast my fears and my worries onto Him and I put my trust in knowing that He would know what to do and how to heal me.

Several days later, after much struggle, I am here writing this to you. I feel better, I can breathe easy, I can eat solid foods, I can walk without keeling over. I still don't know what was/is wrong with me. The results come in tomorrow. For now though, I can rest easy knowing that life is out of my hands and that I can stop worrying about having to control and manipulate it into something I think is good for me.

I've sadly learnt the hard way that life isn't something that we own. Life is something we are given and something we share with others. After the week I've had, I want to learn how to share this life with the people around me and enjoy it with them. Life can change so suddenly and take a twisted turn, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. Either way, we should learn to be still and to be grateful, and if we can't be grateful for what we have then, at least, be thankful for what we've escaped.

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still"

Exodus 14:14

14 comments:

  1. Sam, I'm so sorry to hear that you were ill and I will be thinking of you tomorrow when you find out what was causing it. This was so wonderfully written. Life is completely out of our hands sometimes and I'm being taught over and over through my own experiences and others to appreciate everything.

    I really love the first photograph quite a lot too :)
    Sending lots of love and good vibes your way xo

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  2. Wow, it surely does sound as though you were really, really ill. It sounds terrible. I know the exact feeling being completely out of control of your own life, not only is psychical illness responsible for this, but mental illness as well.

    Nevertheless, I really do hope you're better, or will be soon enough so you're able to get back on your feet.

    Get well soon, Sam! x

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  3. Oh Sam, how worrying. I really hope the doctors find out what it is so you can start treatment too. Hugs and kisses to you. Take care, sweet lady

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  4. I'm so sorry to hear you you're terribly ill. I hope the doctors can figure out what is wrong with you, so that you can start treatment as soon as possible.

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  5. You have written this just so perfectly. I hope they figure out what is causing you to feel so unwell soon. Best wishes x

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  6. This is such a beautiful post. You have a wonderful outlook! I hope you are on the road to recovery soon. x

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  7. I just realised I commented on the wrong post! Hope it's not as hot where you are! It's 42 degrees here in Melbourne :(

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  8. Powerful verse. Dear Samantha, I hope no trouble and may He protect the ones He love.

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  9. I'm at a loss for words. This kind of thing should never happen to anyone, but it does, to everyone. I'm not sure why but life is cruel like that. I can't say I have life figured out. If I did, I'd offer you the best advice I could muster up. However all I can say now is that I wish you the best in this point of recovery, and that you find the strength again to pass this by. Happy days are coming your way, I know it. xo

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    1. Life is cruel sometimes unfortunately but I truly believe it's these situations that make us the people we are and it helps us also appreciate the many blessings we constantly receive. Thanks for your lovely thoughts :)

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  10. Beautiful photos and beautiful words. So sorry about the health problems. I feel like life is daily God reminding me that he is control, not me. It's hard but sweet. I'll be praying the results are helpful and that God will continue to guide you!

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  11. Praying for you sweet lady! Love your photos they are beautiful as always- hope you are doing better!

    xoxo
    Samantha

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  12. Wow. I am so sorry you had to go through this. I'm praying for complete healing for you.

    These photos are beautiful and so is your writing. This was definitely a post I needed to read tonight, thank you for being so transparent.

    -Courtney
    www.alwaysrooney.com

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  13. Wow, this is inane. I'm glad you're better now & it's terrible you had to go through this. Praying about it, and casting your fears on God was the right thing to do, and it's great that everything worked out.

    x leah symonne x

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