Thursday 30 January 2014

Here's the thing...

The sad truth about caring about another person is that somewhere down the line they will hurt you. It might not be a broken heart or a stab in the back but people, they will make you frown or shed a tear at some point in time.

It's become, as I've learnt, a fact of life.

I've come to realise it's because we as humans are caring creatures. We invest. We invest everything into everything. We have super high expectations of life and of the people around us and when they fail (as all humans do) we jump to judgmental conclusions and 'hate' on them for hurting us without giving them a fair trial. We talk about them behind their back, we transform from nice, gentle beings to angry savages seeking revenge and justice...and for what? Why do we always do this?

Self-satisfaction? Selfishness? Perhaps.

We can't handle the idea of someone hurting us or life turning us down from our dreams so we try to get back at life and the people that hurt us but in the end, we all know, nothing is to be accomplished from that. In the end we will probably wind up less happy and more anxious.

Maybe, just maybe we need to take a step back.

I think the first step is to embrace the pain. If life fails you then acknowledge that said life has failed you. You can't change what has happened (or hasn't happened), all you can do is move forward.

Secondly, don't seek justice or revenge. Making others feel bad or putting yourself before others isn't going to do anything except make you a bad person. I would suggest finding ways to empower others, don't use social media as a way of bragging, use it to encourage and love others. There is no better feeling than making someone else feel good.

Thirdly, find the silver lining and move on. Don't let the bad things that happen to you define you and turn you into a insecure, timid creature. Turn the hardships into opportunities to make changes, to seek new beginnings, to start something new. Figure out your emotions and try and work out why you are feeling so crap and fix that problem, either by yourself, with some chocolate, with a best friend or even a vacation. Use this as an opportunity rather than a misfortune. It will make you feel a lot better, I guarantee you.

********

.....and here ends my little rant that seems directed at all of you but really was just a little pep talk for myself. Sometimes we need to pretend we're inspirational speakers to really see the light in some situations. Sorry if none of it really made sense.

Tuesday 28 January 2014

Inspired: The Kimono

It seems that everything these days is getting reinvented.

The 'bob' came back in a fabulous way which thankfully did not resemble my year 2 school photo.

High waisted pants, hippie tassles, knitted crops, pin-up swimming costumes, and neon have all made a comeback over the years. I've even spotted shoulder pads making a reappearance.

To be honest, I've never been a 'fashion' person. While I love it and appreciate it, I've never been a guru. I always seem to fall behind on the latest looks and wind up wearing leather pants whilst everyone else is wearing double denim.

My newest fascination (and again I am a bit behind) is the Kimono or simply put, a long pretty cardigan.

Its flowing nature really appeals to me and, even though it looks nothing much like an actual kimono (which I am also a fan of), it has a simplicity to it that is beautiful.

I've spotted some favourites here at Free People. and while on the topic of cultural throw-overs, I might point out my love for this poncho.

What are some of your favourite trends this season? I need to know what I'm missing out on.

Sunday 26 January 2014

Footprints

As the grass before us slowly diminished, we stopped to unstrap our sandals and make the plunge. Our feet hit the sand and the soft particles of broken rock bounced off our toes. It felt cool and fresh. The wind was picking up and the chill continued to wrap around our bodies. A storm was approaching but we didn't mind.

We sat upon the softness of the sand and watched a handful of people who dared enter the water on such a cool day. As they walked past they waved hello and smiled - a true sign we weren't in the city anymore. People were friendly here.

As I walked into the ocean, for this first time this summer, I felt a warmth like never before. The water was icy but I felt so warm. It was the kind of warmth you feel when you come home after a long trip, or the warmth you feel when you jump into your partners arms after not seeing them for a few weeks. I felt at peace, as if nothing else mattered in the world except for me and this ocean before me.

A true harmony within me was formed. It felt good.

It was good.

Thursday 23 January 2014

Lazy Sunday

Last Sunday was spent house-sitting our family friend's home. The sun shone down on me through big open windows and incense filled my senses and took me to somewhere new. I've never lived alone before and whilst it was only for a few days, I loved it.

I spent the day doing absolutely nothing. I've found that sometimes doing nothing accomplishes more than you can ever imagine. It was pure bliss.

Tuesday 21 January 2014

Monthly Snapshots - January (2)

Instagram - @sambam

A snapshot of my comings and goings.
  1. Some darn good cider
  2. The only way I can stay awake in the morning. Following on from this post however, I've come to learn that breakfast is a better alternative!
  3. Pretty succulents to accompany my brunch date
  4. Feeling free and learning to 'let go' (also practicing some double exposures)
  5. Beach dates with mum. Photos coming soon
  6. My younger sister (Stephen's sister). She is an inspiration to me. Go and follow her here.
  7. Catching up on some vitamin D
  8. Bought two new diaries and I feel so organised. 2014, watch out - this is my year!
  9. Had a bad day so cheered myself up with swims with mum. I love her.

Do any of you have Instagram? I would love to follow along with you

Sunday 19 January 2014

Old Pride

We cruised down the highway singing songs by Queen Bey and talking about nonsense. I closed my eyes and listened to the soft drone of the engine as I felt the road escape from underneath me.

We pulled up to their home and once again I was filled with that familiar feeling. That feeling you get when you visit your grandparents. I'm unsure whether its nostalgia or its just your nose adjusting to that dusty, smoky smell of their home. Whatever it is, it feels good.

My Grandfather showed us his latest artworks. I love that there are people in my family as talented as he. His passion burns bright and has never been extinguished over his life. He took me around the house, like he always does, and showed me his fondest pieces and told me the stories behind them. We chatted about his days in the mines and about how dangerous it was down there but noone seemed to ever bother. They just did what they had to do. My nan, like clockwork, finds a time to show me a trophy she won when she was about my age. She won a beauty pageant in her old, local town and even though she's shown me this trophy a 100 times before, I don't mind. She is so proud of it and I am proud of her.

Sometimes I admire pride. I admire how some people can be so passionate for their art and even though they don't say how proud they are of themselves with their words, you can see it in their eyes. It is a beautiful thing.

We spent the rest of the afternoon laughing over Grandad's dirty witty jokes and ended by talking about days gone by. I suddenly felt unaccomplished for my age. When my grandparents were my age, they were married, working, and living on a few pounds a week. They didn't have much but they were happy. What a humbling reminder for someone who lives in today's consumerist world.

As we left, I waved goodbye to their wrinkled faces that smiled back at me. I don't get to see my family often, but it's nice to know that they are there, scattered around the world, without whom my existence wouldn't be so. Such a wonderful thought.

Wednesday 15 January 2014

Inspired: Breaking Fast

My mother cannot leave the house without having breakfast. It doesn't matter how small or big the meal is, without some sort of breakfast she isn't functional.

My dad's the same. He even has two breakfasts sometimes because well, why not?

Me? I am a little different. Breakfast, to me, is only something I eat when I go to a cafe with friends before the clock strikes 11. Other than that it doesn't exist in my world.

I don't thoroughly enjoy breakfast food. I am not a huge fan of milk, or creamy eggs, or sugary pancakes at that time of morning. Once in a way, at the local cafe, is okay but every morning? No, thank you. So what do I do? I skip it.

Most of you by now are probably looking at your screen in horror or disgust. I understand that skipping a meal, especially breakfast, is terrible. Terrible in a medical sense as well as a 'normal-everyday-commonsense' sense. But, somehow I have managed to live most of my life delaying breaking the fast until lunchtime where I can enjoy any kind of food I want (I never did understand why there are only certain foods you can eat before 11).

Though, this year I have been forced to make a change. After being rather unwell last week, I have realised that I have so many more years of my life and I don't want to waste them being unhealthy. I need to make lifestyle changes into my daily routine to allow myself to feel better and to act better (I can sense a blog series starting from this)

So, over this last week, I have been waking half an hour earlier than normal so I can eat this precious meal that everyone raves on about. Surprisingly, I rather enjoy it! Not because I love the food (still working on that) but also because I am using breakfast as an excuse to chuck in some much needed me-time into my day. I have been reading every morning, painting my nails, catching up on my blog and just spending time in my garden soaking in the morning light. I am starting to see the beginning of a beautiful friendship blossoming between me and my morning meals.

So this week I have been inspired by breakfast and the many forms it comes in. What are your favourite breakfast cuisines? Anything light and easy for a person on the go or for someone who can't handle a heavy meal? Recipe tips?

Please, I am such a beginner in this.
^^^ taken from Pinterest

Monday 13 January 2014

Twisted Turns

You know those moments when life is kind of sailing along and things seem good, great perhaps, and you're comfortable. Life isn't perfect, but it's okay and you're happy with that.

That was me, early last week. I had problems, sure, but generally I was okay.

But then, unforeseen by me, the ride I was on went from its steady incline and took a twisted turn down into an unexpected, steep descent. I fell steeply into an unknown illness that caused my body to rock and my mind to shut down into a state of fear. I was sore, I was emotional, and I was at a loss for words as to why this was suddenly happening to me.

No one can prepare you for the events that unfold when your ride takes a sudden turn. You're unprepared, you're alone and you're vulnerable.

The pain came sporadically and, like a ghost, it would disappear again without a trace. I thought I was going crazy. The doctors seemed to think so too. They first diagnosed me with X, then with Y and then with....

It seemed they were at a loss for words too.

Lying there in my hospital bed, my mind was alive but my body felt lifeless. I closed my eyes and let my ears wander, observing everything in the room around me. The constant beeping of the machines, the slow ticking of the clocks and the soft breathing of the sleeping Stephen who sat beside me. In that moment, I realised something. Life is totally out my control. Regardless of whether I was sick or not, those machines would continue to beep, the clock would continue to tick and Stephen's breaths would continue to flow out of him so smoothly like they always do. 

But while life is out of my control. I know someone who does have control, someone who can heal me and love me and take care of me even when I cant. And so I prayed that night. It was all I could do. Sometimes, it is all anyone can do in life. I cast my fears and my worries onto Him and I put my trust in knowing that He would know what to do and how to heal me.

Several days later, after much struggle, I am here writing this to you. I feel better, I can breathe easy, I can eat solid foods, I can walk without keeling over. I still don't know what was/is wrong with me. The results come in tomorrow. For now though, I can rest easy knowing that life is out of my hands and that I can stop worrying about having to control and manipulate it into something I think is good for me.

I've sadly learnt the hard way that life isn't something that we own. Life is something we are given and something we share with others. After the week I've had, I want to learn how to share this life with the people around me and enjoy it with them. Life can change so suddenly and take a twisted turn, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. Either way, we should learn to be still and to be grateful, and if we can't be grateful for what we have then, at least, be thankful for what we've escaped.

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still"

Exodus 14:14

Monday 6 January 2014

Currently

reading... A Game of Thrones by George R R Martin. The masterpiece behind my favourite show. I have never felt so alive in a series before. The character development, the drama, the love - it makes our lives seem so bland to say the least.

consuming... a good glass of old fashioned OJ

excited about... this year. I am hoping for it to be a good one. I have a lot of things planned and a lot of things to plan. Lets hope I can see it all through. Also I am buying myself a new swimsuit today which I am super excited about.

ordering... a new diary. Is it terrible I still haven't purchased a 2014 planner yet?

planning... my next shoot. Not being able to drive is causing me some grief, but I need to learn to relax and trust the system of life. I am also planning some french lessons for my friend and I - need to get myself more cultured.

watching... whatever is on TV at the moment, which happens to be Spartacus: War of the Damned. An old friend of mine is in it which makes me feel proud.

dreaming about... my future life: Marriage, children, travel. I am too much of a day dreamer for my own good.

listening to... Breezeblocks by Alt-J. Oh how I love you so.

feeling... slightly anxious but also relieved that I am learning everyday how to settle myself. I'm slowly kicking this anxiety thing in the butt. Go me!

wanting... more time (don't we all)

grateful for... My Lord and my love. Stephen said to me last night that I would make a great asset in anyone's life, and that if we weren't dating I'd be his best friend forever. Oh man :-) I love feeling loved and needed.

Thursday 2 January 2014

Monthly Snapshots - January

2013 came to us in so many ways. Heartache was had and laughter was shared. It was one of my most challenging years. I was sick for so long, longer than I had ever dreamed. I fell into the rabbit hole and tumbled down silently as I watched the people around me rush by into their crazy and wonderful lives. My escape was nowhere to be found.

Several months I spent locked away in my rabbit hole. I had support, I had love but internally I felt nothing. Slowly though, my strength was rebuilt. I started to see my prison had cracks within its walls, cracks that weakened its foundation, cracks that I could break through...and I did.

I fought through and my hands resurfaced out of the mud and arose into the sun once more. I was still dirty, still tired but I was free.

I set foot into the latter half of the year with a new appreciation and understanding of life. An appreciation of self-contentment. I needed something to keep me going, something that was solely my own, something that didn't depend on other people or their emotions.

Samantha Heather then began. My blog, my photography, my passion. It arose from nothing and now I find complete joy in writing these letters to you. It helps me understand myself and helps me from falling down the rabbit hole that continually tries to creep back into my life.

Over the past week, I have been away volunteering at my church's youth camp. We spent our days in the sun and our nights by the fire. We held hands while we prayed and we sang songs while we praised. I took my camera with me but I didn't click one photo. I chose to switch off for a while. To take a break from my art and relax in the moment I had before me. I instagrammed while I was away and that is what I share with you today. It was a glorious time, one of peace and one of rest. And while I found myself sinking back into the rabbit hole throughout my time away I was reminded of the beauty of the world around me and it humbled me lower than ever before. My heart smiled when I realised that my darkness doesn't need to be so dark. I can choose to walk in the light and I can choose to wear a smile on my face when I get dressed in the morning.

2013 clicked over to 2014 in a heartbeat and the year of pain and darkness was over. I now have a new slate, one which I can draw upon in warm colours and melodic songs. This year I choose happiness, I choose to accept the challenges presented to me, I choose to love like never before, and serve others more than anyone has ever served me.

I don't know what this year will give me in return. I don't know if it will be kind or cruel, exciting or banal, but what I do know is that I have a choice in how I live the next 365 days, and I choose a year of exploration, love, and happiness, despite all battles.

Happy New Year to you all. Thank you for your support and your love. Lets rock out this year and show the world that we can't be defeated!

S x
Instagram - @sambam